MARILYN ANONA writes: And when one dies before the other, the one remaining will say “Since he or she left this world, my life has not been the same”.

Its another Saturday! Basically, Saturday is a day for relaxation after the hectic 5 working days. But in Nigeria and most parts of the world, most white weddings (church weddings) are done on Saturdays. Its almost like a tradition. I am yet to see a Saturday that people don’t wed. Sometimes, I see Personal messages on some friends’ blackberry like “its another Saturday and I am still not married” or “we will never run out of Saturdays”. Friends wed every Saturday and some friends languish in despair. Relax dear, your time is coming! Its not a race. Marriage is a beautiful thing. I love marriage because from day one, I have always believed in long term relationships. And Marriage is a typical example. But what we see these days make marriage appear uninteresting and scary. That is because most people do not really understand what marriage is all about before dabbling into it. They rush in and rush out or they rush in, and commit all sorts of sins that are against the marital oaths they took. People are more concerned about change of status or title rather than the full importance of marriage. People rush in because they are afraid to be tagged single. They get married knowing full well that they don’t want to be with the person for a second but they console themselves with “LOVE GROWS”. I for one person do not understand the phrase “LOVE GROWS”. If love actually does grow, then its for those who already feel it or have it going. How do you tell me something that is totally absent will grow? There must be a seed for a full grown plant to manifest. Again, you hear some churches preach some kind of messages that help to make nonsense of MARRIAGE. I will not mention the name of the church but its one of these pentecostal churches. The pastor was saying vehemently that “MARRIAGE SHOULD BE ENJOYED NOT ENDURED” and went on to say that any ugly situation you experience in marriage means you are married to the wrong person. Huh, I was even more irritated with the congregation screaming “yes o”. My goodness, how can that be? Is anything ever smooth all the way? Where is that teaching from? For me, its from the pit of hell! Yes, the congregation were screaming happily because that is the type of preaching we love to hear. Have we forgotten that even roses have thorns. Once you are living, you should expect anything. But as Christians and people who have faith, we pray and hope for the best. In marriage also, we can’t have it rosy all the way and that’s where endurance comes in. So a pastor saying MARRIAGE should be enjoyed not endured is in other words telling us that once we encounter any challenge in the course of marriage, we should call it quits, start seeing our spouse as the wrong one or what? Please preachers should mind what they say when they are up there preaching. I beg! I was having a conversation with Suzie yesterday evening. She told me about a wedding she attended in Suleja where the officiating pastor instead of saying the usual “for better and for worse” during the oath taking, he was saying “for better and for better”, for richer and for richer” Na wah o! Where is this from? So Marriage is just for the fair and happy weather? My message is for the single and soon to be married people. Maybe, GOD intentionally kept you this long for you to get more mature mentally to be to handle a lot of things that come with life. I could say that for myself. So don’t despair. What you know today, I am sure you didn’t some months or years back. So there is a reason and that’s to make you better. You must understand that marriage is not an escape mission or an insurance policy. Its not all about the change of name or the wedding. Its about you and your future. Once you get into marriage with someone who you know within you that you don’t want to be with all your life, you have reduced your own lifespan. Its not about money! When getting married, LOVE is the ultimate, because that is what keeps you going even when things get rough and tough. Love makes you stay by your wife if you are unfortunate not to have kids several years after marriage. Love makes you stay by your husband when he is having some financial challenges. You stick by him and hustle with him, share with him to make ends meet. Love is what keeps people together for so long. People say respect is the most important! I totally disagree. You can’t respect something you don’t treasure or have regards for. With love, respect comes naturally. So the main thing is love. It keeps you going. Its Saturday again, don’t despair because you don’t know when your wedding is coming up. Be sure that at that right time, you are getting married to someone you can live with and cannot live without. Be sure that you are getting married to your best friend, so that you don’t live under the same roof with an enemy you call a wife or husband. Marriage doesn’t make people better. It cannot make a man who doesn’t or never loved you to all of a sudden love you. Even when you have kids for him, he loves his kids not you. I have met so many women, young beautiful women in this type of situation. Probably their husbands married them solely for child bearing. That is not what you want, is it? Let’s know the full essence of getting married before dabbling into it. Personally, divorce and cheating (all manners of unfaithfulness) are not for me! So my husband and I will complement each other. He will be my best friend! We will do everything together! We will be transparent to each other! We will grow old together! And when one dies before the other, the one remaining will say “Since he or she left this world, my life has not been the same”. That is the kind of marriage that we should all pray for. To achieve this, LOVE must be present and then you must know that no human being is flawless. Have a beautiful Saturday. Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

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32 thoughts on “MARILYN ANONA writes: And when one dies before the other, the one remaining will say “Since he or she left this world, my life has not been the same”.

  1. 9z 1 babe, I know Almighty God will giv us our own the 1 that will understand us well. But babe am still single oooooooo

    • Yes Iyke, that’s the basic thing! The right one not just anyone. I was almost married in 2012. But something happened and everything halted and infact changed. Then ifelt bad. But I knew within me that The guy in question wasn’t what iwanted in terms of character. He wasn’t just it. We seemed good to everyone but within me I knew there was a huge problem. I was almost carried away by the nature of his family. He is from a very popular and reputable home and he is from my place not just state but place. Infact I cantrek from my home (village) to his. He was good with communication which was very important to me. But there was this aspect of him I just knew I could not bear. I was determined to overlook it but I am thankful to GOD now that it didn’t work out because I would ve been so miserable. So yes, the right one is who we need. Happiness is very important. Thanks Iyke. GOD bless you and your day.

  2. Affairs of the heart/
    Together we’ve grown/
    If ever apart/
    All I want you to know/
    Woman your love is life changing/
    I’ll never be the same thing without you darling/
    Your love is life saving/
    You always catch me when I fall/
    ~Affairs of the Heart Damian Marley.
    The lyrics above describe the way a woman should make you feel if she’s the right one for marriage.
    I agree with you Posh, love has to be the foundation. A woman who makes you feel you can accomplish anything and everything with her by your side is the woman you should marry, speaking from a man’s perspective.
    If she can make you genuinely sing the lyrics of this song then you’ve found her.

    • Thanks much Ugochukwu. Love is the very foundation. Without love, forget it! Its love that overlooks flaws. Its love that endures. Its love that forgives. Its love that sees beyond the present. Its love that hopes. Its love that gives life. Thanks once more. GOD bless you and have a nice day.

  3. This life should be endured bcos d way has rough nd narrow path… Lol pastor for richer for richer nd 4 better for better, it is very very funny of dat pastor

    • That is what we get to see these days dear. Nothing one doesn’t get to hear. Very very funny. GOD help us. Thanks Emmanuel. Have a nice day and GOD bless you.

  4. Nice piece! You are a good counsellor, I love what you said its true! Perfect dear, and to say it all, I swore that I must get a true love before I marry! Yes ! Nowadays most ppl rush in to rush out, som do juju, som na money! But as for tabby com rain com sunshine it has to be true love! Even if am as old as methuselah I will wait. No rush! Thank you marylin you are an inspiration! God bless you!

    • Thanks to GOD almighty dear. He inspires me. Yes, true love is the ultimate. I am at my best when I love. Don’t know about others. Do have a lovely day. GOD bless you.

  5. Well said dear,he should be your friend also that key word is LOVE grows it doesn’t just fall it grows.wud share so more pple will learn or rather can learn.

  6. Well spoken Posh, this post has brought my old memories back, but I’m glad it enlightened me….. many years ago I got married to a man I was never compatible with and I thought the marriage or rather the love will grow between us but little did I know that I was going on a journey without a destination. I was very young and naive but I thank God for liberating me from that boundage & opening my eyes to see far beyond what I was hoping for….thank you so much Oma for this lovely write up I’m really inspired……..have a supadivalicious weekend hun God bless u mightily

    • Thank GOD someone is speaking from experience. People take risks out of unnecessary desperation. Hmmmm! Sorry about that dear and thank GOD you have learnt. How will a man who doesn’t appreciate you from day 1 start appreciating you all of a sudden? Well, for me I think people mistake tolerance for love. Tolerance is tasking. Love flows naturally and rejuvenates you as you give it. Thanks Zyzy. GOD bless you too. Have a peaceful day.

  7. Mmmmmm, MARRIAGE… Diz marriage tin has rili put me 2ru hell in d past & even @present, most tymz I feel I was nt meant 2marry in d 1st place bkoz if 2ruly, every man has his woman, den wia is myn? Talking abt long term relationship b4 marriage, I’ve had such in d past, even paid her dawry, bt shiftin d date of d traditional marriage made it all crumble, bkoz I discovad dat d gurl was patient all diz wyl bkoz she knew I was gonna marry her somday &she was getting all wat she wanted, den I decyded 2move d date, telling her dia izn’t money &u needed 2c d scenario, both her &her family wia ranting &threatning. Bt my question iz, hw bst can marriage rili wrk? Who’z d pafekt match 4anoda &wia r d gud ones? 2ruly, if diz year passes witout a wyf, den I’m 2ru wit marriage issue.

    • Is it not obvious she wanted you because of financial security for herself and her family. She didn’t want you, she wanted whatever it is you were providing in the relationship. And when that seemed to be lacking, her true self manifested. Dear Abimoster, there are good women out there. You were simply not with the one for you. You are a man so you are lucky you can walk up to who ever unlike we women. You will find your wife soon. Thanks for your contribution dear. GOD bless you.

  8. Yes! True Love is the ultimate! *marriage is about you and your future so,Let’s know the full essence of getting married before dabbling into it*.am so loving this article thanx for the words of encouragement you are truly an inspiration my Lady.

  9. Wow!That’s it dear Ms.Posh!Another compelling case,Ms.Posh hitting the nail on the head. And u re right dear,am so glad am still single. Had it been I got married 5 years ago I would have been a divorcee by now. Smh, first of all we especially the men should know that if you don’t marry yourself,you will never be able to settle down. What do I mean,you have to be able to marry your bad breath every morning,you have to be able to marry your smelling sucks,your untidy room,your smelling armpit etc.I thank u Ms.Posh for enlightening some of us that are single. The problem in some of our new generational Churches today is that the preach out of excitement.”For better and better…”That’s nonsense. Marriage has its ups and down,advantages and disadvantages, and good and bad. I believe that love ‘at last sight'(for richer or poorer,for better or worse) is the genuine love in marriage. Yes Ms.Posh marriage is not an insurance policy. Miles Munroe once said that “There is a satanic attack in our time,the ideology of some Churches that being single is bad!that’s is not true!”I concur. Marriage is a CHOICE and not a requirement.I strongly believe that we all need knowledge and wisdom before we walk into marriage.Because love does not protect you from divorce,wisdom and knowledge does.Nice one Ms.Posh!Happy weekend guys.

    • I have to qualify this comment as cute. Nice one from you mr macoy. Yes! You have to marry yourself before you can marry someone. Wow! This is amazing. Marry your low and high, that’s the only way you can bear those same things in others. Thanks so much macoy! You have made my day. God bless you. Sometimes, people are also so insensitive. Its good to be with very intelligent and sensitive people who have depth. Most times I talk with people who are much older than I am. I am very inquisitive that’s why I always want to learn and know new things. People see me as very strong and experienced even people who are older. I just laugh. I started dating late and there are things I have not experienced but got to know them by observation, asking questions and general interaction and of course reading. A friend of mine, told me sometime ago that she wanted to make love with her boyfriend and she was either just through with her menses or it was going to start in a few days (forgotten which) and naturally, her body was open. Do you know what the guy told her? The guy told her she was sleeping around! She felt so bad and told me about it. As usual, I consoled her. Now, some guys are just too empty and don’t even understand a thing about a woman’s body. I had the opportunity of discussing it with a mature and intelligent guy and he told me that the woman’s body isn’t just open but she could be a bit smelly at such times. He even explained that when a woman is ovulating, if the man is experienced, once he kisses her he must know because it is in the breath too. Wow! These are some of the things. Knowledge is required. Thanks macoy

  10. Well! Dear “Marriage” I can say is an institution on it’s own where learning is a long life process which when you’re not fully prepared for it, u drop out… No two ways about it. But these days we see young people who know nothing about each other rushing in & out of marriage why? Simply b/c they’ve not taken quality time to knw & understand themselves. It’s no longer news too that people marry for different reasons nowadays not necessarily “Love” like what u said abt a guy marrying his wife jst for child bearing..& d question is what if the child do not come eventually or delays as the case may be? What will sustain the marriage? which make me to wonder how two people can actually get married without a “mutual” feeling… So marriage is not a thing to rush into cos when u rush into it, you’ll also rush out and again it is better to be single praying to be married than to be married praying to be single….God bless u sis•••

    • Exactly my point at yujay. You marry for an ilterior motive. Ah this guy is rich o. I can’t suffer again o. House in maitama, jabi, gwarinpa, wuse. Omoh, Abuja landlady in choice areas for that matter. Ah, I must marry Sandra, I heard her mum gave birth to 8kids so they are fertile in their home. You enter without checking substance. What if 5yrs no pregnancy let alone miscarriage, Sandra becomes your arch enemy instead of your wife. Thanks yujay dear. GOD bless you big.

  11. ” If love actually does grow, then its for those who already feel it or have it going. How do you tell me something that is totally absent will grow? ” ℓ̊ нανє always wondered how people get dis twisted. Its †нα† simple if U̶̲̥̅̊ don’t нανє it U̶̲̥̅̊ can’t give it.
    On †нε issue σƒ “MARRIAGE SHOULD BE ENJOYED NOT ENDURED” ℓ̊ tink wot †нε pst meant is marriage wasn’t meant ² be α cage or passage into slavery. U̶̲̥̅̊ shld live αη∂ enjoy ♈ōϋя marriage. S̶̲̥̅ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡me pple αrε still in marriages dey αrε unhappy in. †нε can’t stand der spouses αη∂ rada dan get out dey endure †нε emotional slavery αη∂ injustice till dey hit der breaking point αη∂ reck der homes. ℓɪ̇kε its said @ weddings, ƒσя beta ƒσя worse not worst αη∂ S̶̲̥̅ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ wen it gets ² worst, its time ² end †нα† endurance before it turns ² story †нα† touches †нε heart.

    • Thanks Ikenga. You can’t give what you don’t have. Some people see fire and enter into it and expect a magic to happen. Unfortunately, GOD isn’t a magician. Let’s take it easy. Thanks dear Ikenga. GOD bless you.

  12. People always pray to have a husband or wife.. but the prayer should be ” God please prepare me to be a better husband or wife. Truly marriage should be enjoyed not endured..

  13. Wonderful write up my friend! Lessons learned and hope many read with understanding. No doubt! Dis is 100% true.

  14. Sweetheart is what you are. Bravo for this wonderful piece. I quite agree with you, just that sometimes you’d want to jump in based on likeness or respect. But I agree that love should be the foundation. Thanks for reaffirming that belief that was diminishing

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