MARILYN ANONA writes: Sincerely, I love my state of origin no doubt but the ultimate is love and Love has no boundary.

poshmarilyn
poshmarilyn
When its love, you lose all your defenses. When its love, you are vulnerable. When its love, you will find yourself doing things you never imagined you will do for anyone, and you do those things with ease. For example, me wash for a man? They never born that man but now u wash a basket of clothes without knowing it. You break those standards without knowing it and yet feel good about it. I can’t date anyone who isn’t from Anambra, Delta or Imo, Now your partner or even your wife is from kwara or Nasarawa and you are ready to fight with anyone who condemns her place of origin. You now find yourself liking everyone from the same place as the person you are in love with. My dear, all that boasting and bragging is because you have not seen love… So leave matter for Mattias. Love is a very strong thing and the best thing that can happen to anyone. If you have never loved, it means you have not started living. If you don’t believe in love, then that’s so sad. I just want to talk about the issue of tribalism in love or romantic relationships. Our country is a multi ethnic one. So many tribes and too many languages. But the three major tribes in Nigeria are HAUSA, IGBO and YORUBA. And most Nigerians do not live in their home states as we all rush to big cities like Abuja and Lagos where we mix up with one another irrespective of tribe and religion. So the chances of making friends and even falling in love with someone from another tribe becomes high. I used to be so guilty of this topic I am discussing now. There was a time when if a guy comes to woo me and I find out he is not IGBO, I will get cold immediately and tell him instantly that it won’t work. Mine was worse, even if you are IGBO and not from Anambra state, there is nothing for you. But the moment I meet a guy and he says his name is Obinna or Ikechukwu and he is from Anambra state, my heart opens and that’s it, very pathetic! Most times, we limit our selves and make wrong choices because of issues like this. We just accept those people because we are from the same tribe and we don’t bother to know if the relationship is right or not and If we are compatible or not. I have heard of many relationships that could not succeed because of tribalism and tribal differences. My friend Fareeda, an Idoma lady was telling me how she lost a man she loved so much because she isn’t IGBO. The guy’s family didn’t accept her and the guy obviously doesn’t have a mind of his own. How painful! You nurse a relationship, then tribe becomes a barrier. Another friend of mine had a similar problem. I observed that she no longer uses her man’s pictures as her display picture (DP) on her blackberry like she used to. So one day I asked her about the guy and she started telling me annoying stories of how the guy’s parents said their son will never marry a woman from Imo state, that he should look for a woman from Anambra state and get married. Hearts have been broken because of this issue. It has posed a lot of problems. Sometimes, the people in question may decide to do their thing whether their families are in support or not. But who is really happy with such squabble? I know that most people if not everyone would love to marry from home. But we should also know that love has no boundary and that the most important thing in a relationship is happiness and fulfillment. Most of us were brought up and given that orientation. In my family, everyone is from Anambra state, no one has ever gone outside the state, so because of that I should also marry from Anambra? No! Its not compulsory because that may not be my destiny…. Another person may not ever want to marry from a certain place because of an ugly experience. But we must know that whatever ugly experience we have had with someone who is not from our place of origin can still happen to us with someone from our place. In every sect, you find the good, the bad and the ugly! Its true that we feel safer when we are at home but we should know that the most important things are love and compatibility and when they are lacking, you can never be happy if you like marry from your backyard. When two people are in love, tribe should not be a barrier. It shouldn’t stop them from getting married. Inter tribal marriages promote peace and unity. For these two people to succeed together, they must have respect for each other’s tribe and not feel one’s tribe is superior than the other or that they are doing the person a favour. For me, I thank GOD for exposure and experiences over this few years. Sincerely, I love my state of origin no doubt but the ultimate is love. And Love has no boundary. Tribe will never be a barrier as long as I love the man in question. And my family will never kick against it because I have never disappointed them all my life so they always believe I make good choices. Let’s not deny ourselves lifetime joy by limiting ourselves. None of us chose where to be born or where to originate from. We are all equal. There is no minor tribe even though some are called major because of their huge number. Let love rule and reign. We are all same! Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

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22 comments

  1. My dear truth be told…yes u are ryt.BUT:who will love 2gain hatred 4rm d whole family ,just2gain love 4rm a girl??I can Neva believe in “destiny”it’s just a cool way of limiting ur vision,LOVE has boundaries if only we can do it wif our heads..2be candid there are a number of successful intertribal marriages I know,but I can’t just settle 4d mess.its not just my thingy .yes gud…..”if there is a mutual understanding “but can be suicidal. Me I can’t travel miles just 2go2my inlaws place.hooooo haaaaa!

    • Well, we all are entitled to our opinions. But I tell you, LOVE has no boundary and distance is not a barrier. If your Family will loathe you because of your choice, your life! Then it means they never loved you. We limit ourselves and stay with the wrong people wasting our time because of issues like this. He or she is not what you really want but because he is from Nnewi and you are from Abagana, you stay put and your lifespan is reducing. Life is all about happiness. We are all same! I rather stay with a man froma far away land who is very good than stay with a man who maltreats me but he is from my place. It makes no sense. Thanks dear for your contribution.

  2. Hahahahahha, gurl u don skarra my dada, u r highly gifted & I swear, I’m taking u 2mama, koz u r a wyf material 4real. Tnx 4d meal my dear.

  3. My dear you’ve said it all but I’ve seen people who do better in life without a permanent partner/wife/husband/love life. Some people have been so heart broken that they’ve learnt how to be with friends only…nothing serious…no strings attached…etc.

  4. How come mine is different?The thing is that I don’t want to marry a woman from my hometown(Igbere)neither do I want to marry a woman from the neighbourhood villages(Abiriba,Ohafia,Item and Arochukwu)more especially when she is an Aba product. No adventure,same old same old!Tufiakwa!Lolz.Don’t even like the idea.I like Anambra,imo and Edo women.The problem is that am not into all this tribal nonsense. I once fell in love with a yoruba woman.My uncles and aunties went wild!Lolz.It didn’t work out though.I have this believe that scary and myopic people marry only from their hometown.smh.soo timid! Another compelling case.Nice one Ms.Posh!

    • Nope Macoy, its not timidity or myopism as you call it. I think such people see their people as the best and have extreme love for their roots so they want to remain there. I still say it, its not a bad thing to love ur own and want to remain at home. But when two people who aint from the same ancestral origin find love togethern they should not be discouraged or tribe should not pose unnecessary hindrance. Thanks Macoy. Stay blessed.

  5. Hmmmm..this really should not be a big issue if we Nigerians practice what we preach..we are “One Nigeria” with mouth but 100 tribes at heart..saying that you are Igbo and won’t marry a Yoruba/Hausa guy/lady is just another form of racism(believe it or not)…we should kick against and kick out all form of discrimination..I wouldn’t be in existence if my mum and dad listened to such stories of “I can’t marry any man not from Anambra”..let me share my own story..My mum is from a family that practiced “everybody must marry from anambra” but when my lovely Dad boarded a bus from Orlu in Imo state to Umunze in Anambra in search of my Mum’s villa..everybody kicked against it,from both sides..but to cut the long story short,my Dad is the only person from their family of 7 that married outside Imo State..in the other hand,my mum was the only person in a family of 10 that married outside Anambra..and they are nearly 30yrs together still enjoying their marriage more than d others…infact untill their death,my maternal grannies took my Dad as their “favourite” coz out of all their inlaws,my Dad from d so called “outsketch state” of Orlu was the only person that took very good care of them(they still adore him from their grave)..so in all,Love is the most important and essential thing in a relationship and not tribe..we should learn to embrace each other no matter the tribe..am sorry for the long post,I wish to say more but I don’t want to take more space for my dear Posh and others to comment..

  6. For example,Am Igbo,and i marry a Yoruba man. what do we speak at home? Igbo? Yoruba?English? what language will our kids speak?what language will i teach our kids? if we go to visit relatives,should they speak English because of me? will i keep asking my hubby to translate to me what his people are talking about?sometimes,we feel love is all that matters.but then,so many other things should be considered when going into marriage. Nice article Posh.

    • Nice valid point Lilian. I must admit, there is this language barrier. But luckily we live in a country with a lingua franca and dear, this relatives you talk about, you only get to see them once in a blue moon. Maybe christmas and just spend few days. Even when parents are from same town, we still communicate in English so the language thing isn’t an issue except you want it tobe. Thanks dear. Stay blessed.

  7. Dear posh,
    I’m not surprised this topic is receiving the varied opinions it is getting. It is surely no doubt as a result of its sensitive nature and its reoccurance in our social lives.

    Inter tribal marriage/relationship has been a vexed issue even in time past. Even in the bible, God commanded the Isrealites not to marry from some tribes because of the practises and beliefs of such tribes.

    Marriage, yes! essentially between the two individuals involved, but yet it involves the two families. Marriages of such nature should be approached cautiously. Individuals about to take such decisions should weigh the opinions and concerns of all concerned, those for and those against and then prayerfully take a decision.

    The decission should be beyond and not influenced by the initial show of affection the individuals share at the period. Couples can disagree and fall apart because of attitudes, culture, beliefs and practices they can be subjected to on the alter of inter tribal marriage. Love yes is an essential requirement for marriage, but the marriage institution goes beyond love, affection and admiration.

    May God help us all and give you the grace to sustain the writing passion … your tool in making the world a better temporary place for us all.
    Best wishes and warm regards.

    • THANKS SO MUCH EMEKA. I AM GLAD THAT YOU MADE REFERENCE TO THE BIBLE. HMMM! I MUST CONFESS I AM TOTALLY IGNORANT ABOUT THE BIBLICAL BACKING YET I READ MY BIBLE *COVERS FACE* I ALSO LIKE THAT YOU MENTIONED FAMILIES BEING INVOLVED BUT IF YOUR ARE LOVED AND RESPECTED BY YOUR FAMILY AND THEY TRUST YOU TO ALWAYS TAKE GOOD DECISIONS, BELIEVE ME THEY WOULD AHEAD WITH YOU. BUT IF YOU ARE A BLACK SHEEP AND A WAYWARD CHILD, THEY WILL BE SCARED AND THEN START INTERFERING. IN ALL, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENT. THANK AND THANKS.

    • No doubt we are all entitled to our opinions but in a bid to express yourself, you should not use foul languages on other people. No body’s opinion is better than the other person’s. Its all about taste and choice. The message is do not make tribe an issue when two people have decided to be together. If you choose your people, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you fall in love with someone outside your place, it is very wonderful too. If you do not like your own people, its your choice too. But naturally, everyone loves home. If you dont, its a problem.

    • NO DOUBT EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINION DEAR MACOY BUT ITS NOT A REASON TO USE FOUL LANGUAGES SUCH AS NARROW MINDED OR TIMID ON OTHER PEOPLE. THE MESSAGE IS SIMPLE, WHEN TWO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE AND DECIDE TO BE TOGETHER, TRIBE SHOULD NOT BE A BARRIER. I STILL SAY IT AND WILL ALWAYS SAY IT, IT IS NOT BAD TO WISH TO BE AMONGST YOUR PEOPLE. INFACT, SAYING YOU DONT LIKE YOUR PEOPLE ISNT A GOOD SIGN. IT SHOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG SOMEWHERE. NO BODY’S OPINION IS THE BEST BECAUSE OPINIONS ARE DETERMINED BY INDIVIDUAL TASTES AND LIKES AND SO MANY OTHER FACTORS. KNOWING THAT SOME ARE FOR AND SOME ARE AGAINST, YOU SHOULD NOT USE INSULTING WORDS SO THAT NO ONE FEELS INSULTED. THIS IS AN OBJECTIVE TOPIC. THANKS ONCE MORE MACOY.

  8. Nice post, highly educative as usual, I agree with your view. I believe love doesn’t have any barriers so traditionalism is just a childish method to judge or base a relationship on

  9. yeah yeah, i feel listed, i wish all Parents can c diz, @Dr Oluchi, bt u can travel 2any far country or State 4d sake of biz, d same way u can tk it upon urself 2mk moves wen it has 2do wit d 1 afta ur hrt. Luv iz d ultimate & if 2ruly u luv ur wyf, notin stopz u 4rm paying her home a visit once in a wyl. U can always dialogue wit ur family 2accept ur spouse witout creating hatred so long as ur spouse iz of gud charisma. @ Posh, my dear, u r 2ruly a wyf material & I mst tk u 2mama lol, only God who sees all hrt will favour u wit a husband wit d hrt of gold, 1who will luv, protect, cherish, adore &uplift u in all ramifications. Cheerz dear, kip it upbeat

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