MARILYN ANONA writes: You prefer and love the man who is more unavailable. You respect him more. He is more challenging. And yet you never know where you stand with him.

You have many guys wooing you, but one appeals so much to you.

He is confident, intelligent, good looking, kind, has a good sense of humour. He is everything you want.

The feeling you get when you are around this guy is amazing. You might even call it love. OK! let us call it love. Yes, let’s say that you are completely in love with this amazing man. To you, he is flawless even when there are clear flaws, you see them but they don’t mean a thing to you because you love him… But there is one nagging issue. This man doesn’t love you back or even if he claims to, he doesn’t show or act it. This makes you cry all the time. You are depressed and keep thinking. You are confused because he says he loves you but it doesn’t reflect in his character. You are very unhappy because millions Imageof men would sacrifice everything to be with you, but you just want to be with this one person. Yet, you don’t see any sign that he loves you as much as you do. Maybe it is time to let go of that man who has a hold on you, even though he doesn’t make any effort to make you feel special. Until you do, yo are emotionally hung up, and preventing yourself from finding true love, the kind where actions are reciprocated. You may want to hang on with the hope that he changes. What if he doesn’t and is just using you to pass time while he waits for that special someone? Hmmmm! That doesn’t sound good yeah? But wait, have you not ever thought of that? Most guys will use work as excuses. “I don’t have time” or ” I work late” seriously, is that enough reason not to reach out to someone you are in a relationship with? Is that enough reason for them to call you endlessly without you picking up their call? If someone really means a lot to you, you always have time for them no matter what! An Igbo adage says “one’s heart is always where his treasure is”. Most women find themselves in this situation. So if you are passing through same, don’t feel alone. Your condition is universal. Thousands of songs have been written about unrequited love. I am just asking you to think about YOUR unrequited love. Everyone wants to feel special. It kills to feel that feelings are not mutual. Its so sweet when feelings are mutual not just about words but in actions. The man who doesn’t love you the way you love him is WORTHLESS.

You KNOW you are not getting as much love as you are giving, but you put up with it anyway.

Why?

Because, to you, all that matters is your love for him and you think he will change or you believe he loves you because he says it or because it beats the alternative: breaking up with him, feeling sad, and going back to the dating pool once again.

So even though you are with a man who is essentially using you, you are okay with it. Or you blind yourself to it, and pretend it’s not happening.

 

Oh, it’s happening…

Every day you spend with a man who doesn’t love you as you love him, you are playing it safe, you are playing it scared, and you are wasting your precious time.

The unfortunate part about dating is, it often creates a power dynamic that is unhealthy. You undoubtedly recognize it. You prefer and love the man who is more unavailable. You respect him more. He is more challenging. And yet you never know where you stand with him. When you find the guy who instantly communicates to you that you are the woman of his dreams, it’s way too easy. He bores you. He is not challenging enough… (Life though) hehe. It works the same way for men. The woman who declares her love on date 1 will scare the hell out of him. The woman who makes him work for it a little bit will be the one who wins his heart.

As a result, you have this push-pull dynamic in dating where you are supposed to be available, but not too available. Flirty but not too easy. Authentic but not saying everything on your mind. Relationship-oriented but not pushing for commitment too soon.

No wonder dating is so difficult. Tell me how easy it is to make yourself unavailable to the one who really want. You have probably heard that old adage that tells women to find a man who loves you more than you love him.

The idea behind this is not to create an unequal relationship where he praises the ground you walk on and you have absolutely no respect for him.

No, the idea behind “find a man who loves you more” is really about ensuring that he’s truly devoted to you.

“He is devoted, in every sense of the word.

It’s clear, from his actions, that he feels like he is the lucky one and he is doing everything in his power to prove to her that he is worthy” Smiling! That’s the man you want in your life.

Yet that’s the MAN that you very often lose respect for. The guy who treats you well, the guy who is emotionally available, the guy who earnestly tries to win you over.

It’s not nearly as exciting as the man who keeps you on your toes because you never know where you stand. His very UNAVAILABILITY is part of what makes him so attractive.

My question is, is it unfulfilling to invest so much time in a man who doesn’t give you the security you deserve? The moral of the article is not to find some wishy-washy guy who puts you on a pedestal. Believe me, I appreciate it if you are uncomfortable finding a man who loves you more. (Nothing good comes easy). I just need one thing from you. Just promise me you will “find a man who loves you”…not just a man whom you love.

It is possible, but it takes an effort to do things differently. You are not alone.

Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

Advertisements

47 thoughts on “MARILYN ANONA writes: You prefer and love the man who is more unavailable. You respect him more. He is more challenging. And yet you never know where you stand with him.

  1. First No relationship is perfect but the man is suppose to love you more than you do so to me it’s unfulfilling and a complete waste of time. But most of us ladies are scared to alone so they stick to such relationship and become depressed and hurt at the end of the day

    • Yes Brenda, some are scared of being alone. But most times, its not even the fear of being alone. One may have many toasters but the one she chooses at the end of the day turns out to be the one to depress her. Thanks Brenda. Do have a beautiful day. GOD bless you.

  2. Hmmm. I’ve also heard that a man should go for a woman who loves him more than he loves her..lol..so I’m not sure if that is a solution to anything. True love is a two-way traffic but nobody ever said it has to be 50-50. Sometimes you give more than you get and other times you get more than you receive..that’s love! You sacrifice, you compromise and that’s what makes true love powerful. True love is dynamic!

    • Wow wow wow!!! I am compelled to say your contribution is so valid. Yeah, true love is all about sacrifice! But we all want to be appreciated. Nobody is asking anyone to take a bullet for them. But no one wants to be unsure of such a venture. Thanks Ugochukwu for you wise contribution. Thanks thanks and thanks . GOD bless you.

  3. The man who doesn’t love you the way you love him is WORTHLESS…..and so is dat woman.

    Dis relationship trivials and quagmires are that doom pending for us all.

    • Yes Aim,its vice versa. What is good for the goose is also good for the gander. Everyone wants to feel loved. I mean, that’s the least we can ask for. The economy is bad already and we just need that one person that will assure us that everything will be alright no matter our tough it gets. That one person who sees the substance in us. Thanks Aim, GOD bless you.

  4. This is so true, its so rampant that 90 percent of relationships around are lyk dat. Dis article just spoke somebody’s mind.am inspired

  5. No woman deserves a man who won’t love her back,but sadly some find theirselves in that situation and still stick! But for me I want a man that will love and respect me and I will reciprocate that feeling aswell! Well said marilyn.

    • Thanks so much Cessa. I keep saying, there is no measuring scale for measuring love to know who loves most but when it is one sided, its obvious. When you know your partner, you should know what makes him or her happy and try to do them. There is no perfect relationship. GOD bless you Cessa.

    • Thanks Lilian dearfor your contribution. Yeah Ugochukwu made a very good point and I totally agree with him. Love can never be 50-50 one must love more than the other or better at expressing it more than the other. But trust me Lilian we know all that. When there is love, we still know. Do have a beautiful day dear.

  6. My dear d truth of d matter is dat some gals use oda people’s r/ship as a yardstick 4 there own.so dey go abt fallin in luv wit guys dat luk or act lik there frnds guys. Nd 2ndly if u luv urself so much u won’t go 4 sm1 dat treat u less. My gal keep d ball rollin #educative

    • Thanks so much Chinwe. Nice contribution. Dear, have you not heard or do you not know that in matters of the heart, we do not know when we fall as we do not plan to fall in love. It happens. And so many factors influence our sticking to something for a very long time. Personally, I am a love oriented and long term relatonship oriented person. It takes me time to find someone I like. That’s why I am called choosy. Eventually, my choice may not be the best to others but then that’s what I want. Now, when I meet that person I know from the get go. I am the sort that take my time to dabble into issues like this. When I do, I putin my best as I hate failure of any sort. I hate to move from one person to the other because you are not even show aabout that next person. So such factors can make you stay. It may not end well at the end but that’s life. Most times, because some people have been badly hurt in their past relationships, they now take out the punishment on the current person. That is very bad. Thanks Chinwe.

  7. Am one of those ppl who do more of observing than commenting. Nne ur doing a great job and ur such an inspiration. Keep it ok….. Stay blessed.

  8. Hehehe This post tho hmm Been there, seen that and later dropped That!, I wish ♏γ friend is close by to read cos she is currently wishing for a man who clearly doesn’t av time for her to Love her.. I have realised that relationship doesn’t have to be that serious, but issues,complications,betrayal makes it hard. Everyone deserves to be where he/she doesn’t av to sweat to get love in return… And is very obvious when a guy is in love with a woman than when he isn’t becos the list is countless what he does daily to prove he really does.. So sister wouldn’t u wish to go with the obvious and stop assuming he loves me he loves me not…. Wake up sisters!!!

    • Heheheh @ Wake up sisters! Nice contribution Molly. You know, sometimes it seems those ladies who are in the business of double dating or multiple dating are happier. Because that way, they don’t sweat and stress over one person. They are always many at a time. They don’t care about the consequences of what they do. Sometimes, I see no consequence. We that try to do the right thing find it tough. Should we change? For me, its a no! I will stick to my values, beliefs and principles till the end. When a man loves you, its obvious. He doesn’t have to kill himself to prove it. The things needed are so simple. Thanks once more Molly. GOD bless you.

  9. Nice piece dear…. We should know how our partners truly love us, its abt showing love it is not by talking but showing how much he cares and how he is concerned abt u

    • Yes actions/deeds not mere talking. Love reflects through deed. Our partner may not be rich but communication is enough. Wanting to know about our welfare. Thanks Amina. Have a nice day dear. GOD bless you.

  10. Ƒσя d ladies-folk.. Looking on top mountain ƒσя what’s already on their sight.. As ƒσя me, Love is reciprocal, u can’t love and not get ot in return, dats cheating.. Yea he’s d 1 ƒσя u, ask urself, r u d 1 ƒσя him?? Ansa that and we’ll see on d flip side.. Nice 1 posh.. Keep inspiring and enlightening…

  11. Never search for a boy’s love, Look for a real man’s love… because he will be loyal to you, he will be truthful and most of all he’ll respect you. A real man will stand by your side no matter what! He won’t leave you when the going gets hard, he’ll stay and protect your heart. A real man would put all his might just to be with you. A real woman will give you that chance without hesitating or thinking negative.

  12. I have had my fair share in this, I have been a victim and this forms the major problem currently…. the real issue. Is that we are too content, we just don’t want to get out of our comfort zone, irrespective of the fact that a comfort zone can still get uncomfortable sometimes, but we are content always. But often times the people who get attracted to us and ready to Adore us and give us that queenly treatment we hv craved for may be the kind of people we don’t wish to get attracted to, I believe this is where the real issues are….my candid question is…How do we handle this, becos to me attraction Takes a lot of psychological Exercise (emotional) and it must be natural, it must be spontaneous. What stimilant do we use here becos for u to love someone you must have to get attracted to that person, something in that person must have to endear you to him or Her……so pls marilyn maybe you should help us in finding facts on how to Make this work to avoid “unrequited Love”……Nice Piece I Must

  13. Another compelling case on love.Nice one Ms.Posh.We should all remember” Finding love makes it worth the pain of searching for it”.Wait for the right man and you will never feel empty.Happy weekend guyz.

  14. Nice one dear. Keep it up.u are really good Marilyn . I love ur writeups.I pray GOD will give u more wisdom. Remain blessed dear.

  15. Nice one dear, When a relationship offers more pain than joy then it’s not worth it. Love is not perfect but it comes with peace of mind.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s