You have many guys wooing you, but one appeals so much to you.
He is confident, intelligent, good looking, kind, has a good sense of humour. He is everything you want.
The feeling you get when you are around this guy is amazing. You might even call it love. OK! let us call it love. Yes, let’s say that you are completely in love with this amazing man. To you, he is flawless even when there are clear flaws, you see them but they don’t mean a thing to you because you love him… But there is one nagging issue. This man doesn’t love you back or even if he claims to, he doesn’t show or act it. This makes you cry all the time. You are depressed and keep thinking. You are confused because he says he loves you but it doesn’t reflect in his character. You are very unhappy because millions of men would sacrifice everything to be with you, but you just want to be with this one person. Yet, you don’t see any sign that he loves you as much as you do. Maybe it is time to let go of that man who has a hold on you, even though he doesn’t make any effort to make you feel special. Until you do, yo are emotionally hung up, and preventing yourself from finding true love, the kind where actions are reciprocated. You may want to hang on with the hope that he changes. What if he doesn’t and is just using you to pass time while he waits for that special someone? Hmmmm! That doesn’t sound good yeah? But wait, have you not ever thought of that? Most guys will use work as excuses. “I don’t have time” or ” I work late” seriously, is that enough reason not to reach out to someone you are in a relationship with? Is that enough reason for them to call you endlessly without you picking up their call? If someone really means a lot to you, you always have time for them no matter what! An Igbo adage says “one’s heart is always where his treasure is”. Most women find themselves in this situation. So if you are passing through same, don’t feel alone. Your condition is universal. Thousands of songs have been written about unrequited love. I am just asking you to think about YOUR unrequited love. Everyone wants to feel special. It kills to feel that feelings are not mutual. Its so sweet when feelings are mutual not just about words but in actions. The man who doesn’t love you the way you love him is WORTHLESS.
You KNOW you are not getting as much love as you are giving, but you put up with it anyway.
Because, to you, all that matters is your love for him and you think he will change or you believe he loves you because he says it or because it beats the alternative: breaking up with him, feeling sad, and going back to the dating pool once again.
So even though you are with a man who is essentially using you, you are okay with it. Or you blind yourself to it, and pretend it’s not happening.
Oh, it’s happening…
Every day you spend with a man who doesn’t love you as you love him, you are playing it safe, you are playing it scared, and you are wasting your precious time.
The unfortunate part about dating is, it often creates a power dynamic that is unhealthy. You undoubtedly recognize it. You prefer and love the man who is more unavailable. You respect him more. He is more challenging. And yet you never know where you stand with him. When you find the guy who instantly communicates to you that you are the woman of his dreams, it’s way too easy. He bores you. He is not challenging enough… (Life though) hehe. It works the same way for men. The woman who declares her love on date 1 will scare the hell out of him. The woman who makes him work for it a little bit will be the one who wins his heart.
As a result, you have this push-pull dynamic in dating where you are supposed to be available, but not too available. Flirty but not too easy. Authentic but not saying everything on your mind. Relationship-oriented but not pushing for commitment too soon.
No wonder dating is so difficult. Tell me how easy it is to make yourself unavailable to the one who really want. You have probably heard that old adage that tells women to find a man who loves you more than you love him.
The idea behind this is not to create an unequal relationship where he praises the ground you walk on and you have absolutely no respect for him.
No, the idea behind “find a man who loves you more” is really about ensuring that he’s truly devoted to you.
“He is devoted, in every sense of the word.
It’s clear, from his actions, that he feels like he is the lucky one and he is doing everything in his power to prove to her that he is worthy” Smiling! That’s the man you want in your life.
Yet that’s the MAN that you very often lose respect for. The guy who treats you well, the guy who is emotionally available, the guy who earnestly tries to win you over.
It’s not nearly as exciting as the man who keeps you on your toes because you never know where you stand. His very UNAVAILABILITY is part of what makes him so attractive.
My question is, is it unfulfilling to invest so much time in a man who doesn’t give you the security you deserve? The moral of the article is not to find some wishy-washy guy who puts you on a pedestal. Believe me, I appreciate it if you are uncomfortable finding a man who loves you more. (Nothing good comes easy). I just need one thing from you. Just promise me you will “find a man who loves you”…not just a man whom you love.
It is possible, but it takes an effort to do things differently. You are not alone.
Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!