MARILYN ANONA writes: BUT WHEN THERE ARE FEELINGS, WHEN THERE IS CHEMISTRY, MANY TIMES THAT IS SCARY AND SHE CLOSES UP EVEN MORE.

I was having a conversation with a friend sometime last week. During the course of the conversation, I asked him why he is so mean on ladies and why he places so much priority on sex. He told me he has been heart broken on several occasions and has learnt his lessons and therefore changed. I told him that he didn’t change, that his present behaviour is the real him. I asked him to fill me in on how he got heartbroken by the girl that “changed” him. After the whole story, I discovered that heart break to him was because the lady in question wasn’t giving into sex as at the time he wanted it. And as a typical Nigerian man, he was counting his monetary expenses and equating them with sex. I was trying to make him see reasons why the lady was that way. He simply told me that I do not know anything about men and besides, its a man’s world. My friend considered a girl’s refusal to have sexual intimacy as “HEARTBREAK” and I think it is safe to say that almost everyone on the planet has been hurt in a past relationship. If you haven’t yet, then you will at some point. Heart break happens. It will either be a personal relationship or a business partnership or in friendship. It is not always in the love relationship category, but most times it is. Today, I want to talk to the MEN. Sex is not a woman’s way of showing love and as such they want to take their time before going into it. Previous heartbreaks has even made it worse so a woman wants to have a level of trust (even though I know no one can be trusted) before giving in. WOMEN want whatever relationship they are entering into to be defined so that she doesn’t go on assuming. A prostitute’s relationship with her client is defined that is why she is paid at the end for work done, and most times she doesn’t even know the name of the person she had sex with. But for a normal woman, this is not the case! Our dear MEN, when you truly need a woman in your life, it is important to show up and to be consistent, be there for the woman. I think that one of the most valuable things in the whole world is the heart of the woman you love. And I believe that it is a man’s duty as part of loving his woman to protect her heart and never let it break.
Dear MEN, women really want a man who is consistent, who shows up for her and who doesn’t waiver. It is a man’s grounded, single-pointed focus on following his purpose, plus showing up for his woman that proves to her that she can open to him. A WOMAN JUST CAN’T OPEN HERSELF AND GIVE HERSELF FULLY TO A MAN SHE DOESN’T TRUST. Dear MEN, Given that many woman have been hurt in the past, many of them have closed down to protect themselves. This doesn’t mean they don’t want love. All women truly want is to be loved, to be seen, to talk, to be understood and finally TO BE INTIMATE. But none of those things are possible without first establishing trust. My sweet MEN, it is important to develop a solid friendship and base before diving deep into sex. A woman who has been hurt in the past will sometimes rush to bed or have a fling with a guy that she doesn’t have feelings for. BUT WHEN THERE ARE FEELINGS, WHEN THERE IS CHEMISTRY, MANY TIMES THAT IS SCARY AND SHE CLOSES UP EVEN MORE. But really, deep down, she is waiting for the right man to see her, let her test him and to remain solid. ***** There is a fine line between what I just described and her not being into you. So know the difference. My GENTLEMEN, don’t you know that many times, amazing love could blossom on the other side of having patience and just showing up for her. When a woman gives her heart, it is her everything. It is so strong but at the same time it is so fragile and can be hurt very easily. And you know that you can’t compare a heart broken woman to a heart broken man So my noble MEN, today, don’t give up on her. Give into love. Get to know her. Don’t rush. Remember, when it comes to Love, sometimes the patient path is the fastest way. YOU CAN HAVE AMAZING INTIMACY WITHOUT SEX. And when you build a friendship and let the energy build, you are preparing yourself to be in the most fulfilling, wonderful and sexually exciting relationship you could imagine. Sex without love is just physical exercise, but sex WITH love is Divine and the highest form of union between two people. Finally MEN, do not see her hesitancy or refusal as rejection BUT AS A TEST TO SEE IF YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE OR STAY. She will open up and give herself to the steadfast man whom she trusts. Be that man. Sometimes you have to fight for love. And sometimes you just have to show up, be present and let it emerge.

A HAPPY WOMAN AND HER MAN.
A HAPPY WOMAN AND HER MAN.
Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

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20 comments

  1. I always tell my female friends pre-marital sex is not right.Its not right before God and its not right before man(you urself).Having sex with a man because u want him to get deeply in love with you is very bad.Why?Because he will end up manipulating you.Forget about sex when dating/courting a guy and if he insist let him go,he is not the right guy for you.Pls,am not trying to be religious and just trying to tell you that once he gets into your pants its over!Just like asernal,u will become a gunner for life.Make no miststake any guy that demands sex from you without marrying you is not the real guy for you.Remember,there is a thin line between love and lust.A guy that has no self control is not man enough. He tells u that he is interested in you,and all that just tell him that u are not going to have sex with him if that’s what he means and watch his reaction. Having sex with him will just ruin ur relationship with him,u are not a prostitute so why sleep with him because he bought u a special gift or promised you lots of bullshits!Call me old fashion but its the fact!If he loves you he will be patient and in due time propose to you.If he loves you he will respect your decisions.You guyz have been dating for 5months and he s been spending time with you,buying gifts and all that and he comes demanding for sex.Ask him to do what he is suppose to do,that’s if he really loves you.Mind you guys gossip about the women the sleep with.When a guy really love you sex is the last thing he will think about but when a guy is lusting after you,sex is the first thing he will think about.I don’t really believe in love at first sight,but I believe in love at last sight.love at last sight has lots of good offers and the two major offers are patients and Persistence.Show me a boyfriend that is patient with you and who continuously makes sure you are loved and I will show you the Prince Charming of our time.”Ok,but I have been dating my guy for a year now and we are having sex he loves me”watch out!you are not the only one he is dating!Even if you are its just a matter of time for the relationship to die.Nice one Ms.Posh.

    • Wow! Wow!! Wow!!! This is so breathtaking. I wish most men will think and behave like this gentleman Mark. Thanks for a beautiful contribution. And do have a beautiful day. You have said it all so I have nothing to add.

  2. Nice article Posh, i want to disagree on some of the things Mark said, when a guys sleeps with a girl does not mean that’s all he wants from her. A guy can be head over heels in love with u and and still demandd sex from u! And mind u “Sex” does not ruin a relationship! it is when the whole process is wrong, then we have a problem, if a guy’s intention is to sleep with an innocent girl and move on, then that’s animalistic. A guy can love and wanna have sex with u gbam! I have friends who don’t cheat on their babes and i know they are having sex, so when a guy sleep with u does not mean he is sleeping. Around like Mark said. Are u saying that all dose people who get married every saturday, they have not been having sex? 95% of then have been having regularly with each other and still got married! But my conclusion is that sex has to be done right with d right person. Their are some girls who only sleep with guys for material things without d guy knowing she’s in it for what she’s getting. All guys are not Animals, we still have some responsible ones around. So Ladies if u are convinced u love him and he loves u plz FUCK him good! (Excuse my Language) or some hoes outside will help u out!

  3. Nice piece U̶̲̥̅̊ нανє here. ℓ̊ believe †нε debate abt pre-marital sex can’t be decided definitely. Lovely work

  4. This is very very correct. No corrections, but a little contribution, and that is ” women need to allow their men have sex whenever they feel like so as not to flirt”

  5. Hmmmm… Nice article Posh
    But in a case like this, I’ll say “Different Strokes For Different Folks”.
    From my own perspective, I really don’t think its a crime to have sex with the man/woman u love, its just a matter of maturity and how u guys see it.
    In some cases, love and sex goes hand-in-hand and biblically, pre-marital sex is not right but wait, we aint saints right? If u r in a relationship, sometimes u’ll def feel the urge to have sex with her (guys perspective) and u’ll def expect her not 2 say NO but when she says NO, then somethings might be involved which I wouldn’t know (ladies perspective).
    All I’m saying is, sex should be done at the right time with the right person!!!

    • Thanks to you Emirates for concluding your comment with “sex should be done at the right time. And with the right person” which means that it is unhealthy to rush into sex when you are dating or courting. Sex compliments an established relationship. It is not needed to establish a relationship. Thanks for your wonderful contribution. Please always visit http://www.poshmarilyn.wordpress.com

  6. Again, nice and enlightening piece of writing from Posh. You are a lady and you’ve written like one on such a sensitive and topical issue.

    Still pondering on how common the revelation on this paragraph is “A woman who has been hurt in the past will sometimes rush to bed or have a fling with a guy that she doesn’t have feelings for. BUT WHEN THERE ARE FEELINGS, WHEN THERE IS CHEMISTRY, MANY TIMES THAT IS SCARY AND SHE CLOSES UP EVEN MORE.”

    Thanks for emphasizing and amplifying a known truth that relationship isn’t all about sex. I know this and join you in reechoing it. The only addition I want to leave is that there is more to a lady and a relationship than sex. Both ladies and guys should realise this. Guys should respect ladies on this and ladies should know that a guy will leave or stay in a relationship with or without sex.

    • Thanks very much Emeka. There is more to lady than sex. If the reason you are going after a woman is because you find her sexually attractive then you will keep making mistakes. Not rushing into sexual intimacy will make you discover what you love about the woman in question. And that is what prompts genuine love. Most men have made this mistake in their relationships past and present. We should do the 1st thing 1st. Thanks once more Emeka. Do have a blessed day and please share the post!

  7. Coitus or sex facilitates affinity and makes it flourish 2 apogee. Consequent upon this, even the holy book advises us 2 drink water frm our cistern…so with succinctness dat depicts sex shud b relished with symbiotic undertone. Hence, hv never bought the idea of a lady feigning a prude or misogynist even wen she is horny and ready 4 it. Why would a lass b frittering frm a guy without yielding or submitting the lucre b/w her legs. Bt I dnt coerce or hoax a lady 2 sex since it b mutual consent since contrary 2 it is tantamount 2 rape.

  8. Well I mst say dat pre marital sex is good Α̲̅πϑ at same tym nt good in de sense dat is good fo de both partner †☺ ve sex Α̲̅πϑ feel loved bt nt mandatory †☺ do dat alwayz .if a guy insist on sexing U̶̲̥̅̊ before going into relationship or marriage wateva,den U̶̲̥̅̊ shld walk away cos de guy is nt de rite person fo U̶̲̥̅̊ .MR RIGHT will alwayz wait fo U̶̲̥̅̊ till U̶̲̥̅̊ decide †☺ do dat.

  9. ” A WOMAN JUST CAN’T OPEN HERSELF AND GIVE HERSELF FULLY TO A MAN SHE DOESN’T TRUST”. DEEP WORD!!!
    SEX IS NOT THE ESSENCE FOR RELATIONSHIP, MOST LADIES MAKE THE MISTAKE OF GIVING IN BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO LOOSE THE GUY, IF A GUY CAN CHEAT WITH YOU (SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE) HE WILL DEFINITELY CHEAT ON YOU. IT’S BETTER TO HAVE A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE. ALWAYS MAKE YOU STANDARD KNOWN, ANYBODY THAT CANT COPE WITH THAT ISN’T MEANT FOR YOU. WHAT IS NOT VALUED CANNOT BE TREASURED. LADIES DON’T ADVERTISE YOUR GOODS BUT PLACE YOUR PRICE TAG AND DON’T COMPROMISE. WHAT YOU STAND FOR EVENTUALLY STANDS FOR YOU AT THE END. MOST TIMES WE WASTE TIME LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT LOVER INSTEAD OF CREATING THE PERFECT LOVE. SEX IS AN EMOTION IN MOTION, THEREFORE WE OUGHT TO PAY ATTENTION TO OUR EMOTIONS, WE MUST NOT BE CONTROLLED BY EMOTIONS.

  10. I could’nt have said it better, its well explained nd straight to the point. Another remarkable piece by a remarkable person.

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