Marilyn Anona talks RELATIONSHIP: Why do so many battered people especially women stay in their abusive relationships?

domestic%20violenceBruised skin, blood shot eyes, tears that never get dried! Should these be the result of having a relationship? Ever since I left Martha’s house I have been thinking. I mean, this is not the first time she called me up to complain about her so called boyfriend beating her up or verbally insulting her. The most annoying part of it is that she doesn’t want to let go even when the guy has made it clear to her through deeds and words that she can take a walk. What’s more confusing is, she prays fervently for the guy in question to propose to her. A guy who doesn’t just abuse you physically but who is also very promiscuous. How can a man you are in a relationship with be using his fists on you and you still want him to marry you? Why do some people see fire and intentionally walk into it only to start complaining later? To me, its the height of unnecessary desperation and foolishness. But why do people beat their spouses and why do so many battered people especially women stay in their abusive relationships? Most people seem to think that the major reason why people abuse their partners boil down to the inability to control anger. But personally I disagree because those people who find it easy to hit or verbally insult their partners don’t do same when its their parents, boss at the office or a police officer who stops them on the highway. Domestic Violence which is exactly what I am talking about, is the use of violence to gain and sustain control. Often the person who abuses views the victim as a possession to be controlled. He monitors phone calls and movements, and makes the victim reduce contact with family and friends, and if his possession gets out of line, he smacks it back in place. So domestic violence has little or nothing to do with “Anger management”. Its more about someone wanting at all cost to exercise authority negatively. Yeah! Most men hit women because it works. They get the control that they want and they get their way. But is this the right way to gain respect or control? No sane man beats a woman. To me, men who pound their wives and girlfriends senseless are barbaric, violent and virulent,often drunk or power thirsty. Most of those batterers often feel justified in battering because they were raised in an environment whether a family or neighborhood where violence was accepted as a proper method for solving problems or enforcing the rules. I have given one reason why men abuse women in relationships. You can add yours! But what bothers me most is why most women love to stay in such relationships. For the married ones, I think they just decide to stay because of the kids. What about the single ones who are still dating? What is the reason? Please I need us all to contribute. Let’s share our thoughts… Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!! battered



  1. I feel this Isssue has gotten to a Level where it seems to be Unstopeabble…. It has been going On for Years .. And I feel any woman in her Right senses should Walk away from an abusive relationship… And any Man in he’s Right Senses should Know that its Wrong to Hit a Woman, Because they’re Fragile Beigns which are meant to be Loved and Cared For.

  2. Some of this women think its normal cos of the way there were brought up, most of them got used to seeing their father do the same… I really think its absolutely wrong !

    • Wow! That’s another good point. Yes! Their father did it to their mum so they are so used it that it seems normal. Thanks Princewill. Beautiful contribution from you. Have a blessed day!

  3. Generally, I believe women are tolerant. So in this situation, a woman could stay because she still loves him and prays he’ll change one day. So it could be the love. I’m not sure I can stay in such.

  4. It is sooo wrong for a man to hit a woman cos obviously they r stronger and can damage what can never b repaired. On the other hand to exercise control over some women is very much needed (in cases where she’s gone wild) but I tell u hitting them is not d best. There r other productive ways of doing that. As for dose in abusive relationships, remember u have nt said “I do”so RUN OUT as fast as u can cos relationship is to enjoyed not endured. If u don’t……I wonder how u would cope wit such a man for d rest of your life.

    • Well said Kemi. Some see doom and intentionally walk into it. And after a few years starting complaining and giving the impression that the man changed over night. Thanks dear for your wonderful contribution. Have a beautiful day.

  5. I actually see no reason why single partners should stay together when violence through fist or tongue is involved, it is sheer stupidity and lust, that alone is supposed to be a sign for the person to leave. Many young girls need to have that at the back of their minds and stop wasting their time on unfit people.

    • Yes Sophia, LUST is another reason why people stay put in a fruitless and useless relationship. Your hear things like “he is good in bed” and you start wondering what is wrong with the person in question. Most times, we make the least important so important. Sex is not all there is to a fact, most relationships start waning the minute sex is introduced. Domestic violence is a no no.won’t advise anyone iknow to be in that sort of relationship. Thanks Sophia.

  6. If dialogue can’t solve it then violence won’t either. Living in fear of your partner in a relationship is not healthy. Domestic violence is not limited to men battering women alone, I think we should also include situations where a woman makes the home unbearable for the man.I have seen cases where some men stay away from the house till late just because they are trying to avoid the troublesome woman at home. In any case, domestic violence in whatever form is NOT acceptable. If the differences cannot be resolved amicably then parting ways should be considered. There are 7billion people in this world for goodness sake! Why waste your life with one person that makes you unhappy and treats you badly.

    • Thanks Matthew. Any one can be abused but you will agree with me that women are the victims most times. There are various forms of abuse that iknow. It could in other forms not necessarily physical. Bottomline is, men should not beat women and women should not beat men. If it can’t stop, then they should part ways. For me, divorce isn’t an option. That’s why I look out for those things I can’t bear when I am in a relationship. Thanks for a beautiful contribution Matthew. Have a successful day.

  7. Very nice piece. I think more emphasis should be laid on this topic. The fear of the unknown is a major reason many battered women remain in such relationship. Also, over dependence on the man for everything is another. I often advice most women to have a tangible means of livelihood that makes the man’s contribution an add-on and not their main stay. Another reason is societal pressure of having the ‘mrs’ tag attached to their name at all cost and the belief of being seen as irresponsible if you cant stay under such a brutal man.

  8. Ƒσя †нε women in question its low self esteem. †нεy feel dey aren’t G̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡D̶̲̥̅ ƒσя any1, dey equate love ² domination by der partner. †нε environment dey grew up αrε mostly devoid σƒ love απϑ as ѕυ¢н cling ² αn abusive one just ² feel loved.

    • Thanks Ikenga, I totally agree with you. Most of the abused people who do not want to leave the relationship don’t know their worth and areafraid they won’t find another man once they leave the present relationship. Like innocent said, fear of the unknown. Thanks once more Ikenga.

  9. Frankly speaking its very very childish n Stupid 4 a man 2 hit his woman 4 any reason what So ever #justWalkAway….4 married ones I think its bcos of our society values here in Nigeria/Africa.. Marriage is 4 better 4 worse and married couples here, alwys abide by d sacred rules… Nobody wuld want 2 leave her kids 4 another woman 2 manage.. So they just bear n hope it gets better as d kids grow up… Seeking counselling n help 4rm relevant authorities can also go a long way 2 help Married couples too and most of all Repaying back wit un-conditional love may change him 4 d better… Nevertheless, if he batters you while on courtship/Single n you still went ahead 2 marry him… You need 2 b taken 2 a psyche ward 4 serious treatment… #SayNo2ViolenceAgainstWomen #justWalkaway… Nice piece Marilyn… Dis topic meant a lot 2 me.. Thank you

    • Thanks much Kelvin. It is bad that the economy is terribly harsh on most ofus, we should not further cut down our lifespan with the wrong partners. Thanks for your wonderful contribution dear. Have a nice day.

  10. another issue here is how people met? before starting a relationship, what is the foundation of such relationship? for anything to work out fine in life there must be a solid foundation, in our world of today, riches, wealth,fame/popularity, the quest for power, has blindfolded our ladies especially. “I wanna be with a rich handsome guy, SUPER STAR(to be known with him as his girl friend/wife) this is an example of the foundation i’m talking about here. Such a girl will go any length (including breaking up with a well established relationship) to get a guy of her choice not minding the fact that (LOVE) should be reciprocal, ladies sometimes tend to believe lying men and deceitful men than the truthful and serious ones, such lady should expect the unforeseen beating and disdaining treatment from a man whom she got, having manipulated her way to trap him down. definitely such a woman will never come out to tell the world what she is going through in her relationship because of pride, and as a result of that the use different means and measures to cover up. but in such relationships what is best is for the two of these people to sit down talk heart to heart, dialogue on their differences, understand and settle their differences.

    • Thanks Victor for a wonderful contribution. The foundation is very important. It goes a long way to determine how the man will treat you in the relationship. Thanks once more and do have a peaceful day.

  11. Just remembered Jennifer Lopez movie “Enough”.I think some of this abusive women grew up in abusive environment,then some of them still stick around with their boy friend because of low self esteem.But I if a woman is abused by her guy.she shuld walk away,infact once ur guy hits u once walk away becos he’s not man enough he’s just a pussy.Real men don’t hit their women.@Ms.Posh.u re right,realtionship is not all about sex,nice one dear,@kelvin even God will understand if a woman divorce her husband because of his constant abuse.

  12. some ladies stay back in such relationship cos of d material tins d get from the guy,also considering the depth of d relationship what I mean is hw far dey hav gone nd d tins dey did,for instance I hav a friend in school who was cohabiting wit the boyfriend,they were always fighting even wit knife,she was findin it so difficult To leave the guy cos she aborted a baby for d guy So she felt wen she leaves d guy dat nobody will accept her,I told her she has to forgt d past nd movie On wit life unless she wants to die Un dt relationship,Nw she is happily engaged to somone else, so we should learn to forgt d past nd move on,any guy dat hits a lady is a coward nd a fool,its not only physical beating even wen u use a bad word on ur woman

  13. I really cant understand it! Why u’ll wanna be with someone who beats u blue black! Maybe its love, but it takes a lot more dan love to wanna be be with someone. I used t have a friend who d boy friend beats at d slightest opportunity he gets, she dint leave until d guy beat her into a coma one day. I used to look at her then , and wonder what was about d guy that’s making her stay in d relationship. Cuz i had a cousin who broke up her engagement just because d guy spanked her hand in anger, her excuse was dat for d guy to spank her hand in anger, it’ll generate to a slap soon. But women need to wake up and flee from such guys! And there should be more awareness about d issue. And there should be a serious punishment maybe jail term sef, for any guy who beats up a woman, and women too keep ur tongues in check! Thank u

    • Thanks Tokunbo. You have said it all. But about keeping our tongues iin check, I don’t think women get beaten because of that. Those men who beat their partners are simply insecure people. Bullies of the highest order. We should watxch out for such men and stay away from them. Thanks once more Tokunbo and do have a beautiful day.

  14. Someone said women stay in abusive relationships for material gains, sorry is money worth ur life? What an excuse!!!! Guess u have seen such right? Tell d person to take d money into d grave with her. Women wake up, u are a beautiful creation that we men should adore and not turn to a punching bag! And when i said women shoul watch their tongues, i have seen a case where d woman abuses d man verbally everytime! Not all men can stomach insults from women. Thanks Posh and have a nice day too.

    • Thanks Tokunbo! I have his friend who had this boyfriend who was constantly beating her up and verbally insulting her but at the end would go and buy her one huge gift. The gifts meant so much to this girl. And when you advise her to stay away from the barbaric guy who was also overly promiscous, she would say you loathe her and don’t want her progress. It go to to astage the guy almost killed her. So yes, so many women may stay in such relationships because of material gains.

  15. Then such women are big fools! If they don’t know who they are and what they are worth? Then its really pathetic! I rest my case then!

  16. Well….to me I don’t believe beating or fighting will force change in a relationship it’s all about understanding. Let see it this way,women could be very rough with their mouth or they could act nasty sometimes but it takes a real man to control himself and if it gets worse it’s better u remain quiet and leave her sight if possible.this is how I do mine I don’t no if it’s okay,wen my girl is angry i’ll just look into her eyes nd tell her how beautiful and adorable she is.

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