Archive | November 2013

Marilyn Anona writes: Why do we read the Bible and Koran yet we don’t practice the things we have read in them?

POSHMARILYN

POSHMARILYN

Is it too hard for one to be kind without an ulterior motive? Should sex be the reason for kindness? This society we live in is a very sad one. The type where people only do good just because they expect something in return from you. Sometime in June, I went to speak at a small business meeting. After the meeting, a certain man who should be my father’s age mate or slightly younger was among those who praised my eloquence. Most of the people there appreciated my speech delivery but this particular man kept in touch and called me a day after to say he wanted to meet with me. I went to meet him at 805 restaurant in Wuse 2 and he commended me highly once more. And talked at length about my project which I hope to start next year. He said he was going to finance part of it and he would take me to meet the Special Assistant to the President on Media matters. I was happy and felt relaxed because I said to myself that this man is principled and decent from the way he spoke. And the fact that he is a deacon in one of the pentecostal churches made me more relaxed.

But I was so shocked and embarrassed when he dropped me off and asked me to kiss him. My goodness! I expressed my surprise and he went on to say yeah, I am a pretty girl and attractive and he wants me to kiss him, that what’s the big deal about a kiss… I vehemently but politely told him that I won’t do that, that a kiss is a big deal. Why would I kiss him? I told him bye and we parted ways. I was expecting a call from him in 48 hours to know the outcome of his meeting with the Special Assistant to the president on media matters, he didn’t call, so I called and his response was so painful.

He said “Marilyn, why should I take such pains, when you can’t even kiss me, ordinary kiss” omg! How is kissing an old man related to him helping me get a media deal? Why can’t people be kind because GOD has lifted them and they are in a position to help the younger ones? Why do people make themselves GOD? Why do people like to take advantage of other people because their help is needed. Why do we read the Bible and Koran yet we don’t practice the things we have read in them?

Why can’t we see strangers who need help and just help them without expecting anything in return? Please someone help me out, is kindness in anyway related to or does it equal to having a sexual relationship with the so called helper? Is it some sort of “TRADE BY BARTER”. Dear helper, it is no longer kindness when the person you want to help has to do things he or she doesn’t want to do but forced to do it because of circumstances. When you are genuinely kind to someone it makes you happy and fulfilled and therefore increases your lifespan. Kindness is the universal language of LOVE, it is love in action and we all should indulge in pure acts of kindness without an ulterior motive. True Kindness is about giving and not receiving. Kindness can be showing up when someone is in crisis.
Kindness can be giving away something you care about to someone who wants it. Let’s all endeavour to be kind today, help those who need our help without taking advantage of them.
Most importantly, let’s not forget where we are coming, people or someone helped us to get to where we are today and no situation in life is permanent.

You all have a blessed Saturday.
Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

MARILYN ANONA WRITES: Women are much more likely to be victims of sexual harassment precisely because they more often than men lack power.

Why do some superiors bully their subjects? Bosses or employers intimidate their staff/employees, because they feel they have the power to terminate their employment or the power to deny them of what they rightfully merit or deserve. Sexual harassment is such an ugly trend. Its an enemy to productivity and excellence. Sadly it occurs everywhere and every time, such that when one is complaining, some people just stare at the person as if he or she is saying something ridiculous because most people have accepted it as normal, backing it up with this *USE WHAT YOU HAVE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT* so sad and very disturbing. A young girl sees an advert, applies for a job, writes the necessary test, passes through the interview, resumes work very happy with the new job, only to start getting harassed by the employer one week into the job. If the girl accepts and sleeps with the employer, no one will ever know but its not even a guarantee that her job is secure as the man can still lay her off afterwards to employ another lady having the same motive in mind. If the lady refuses, the employer keeps bullying her till she quits all by herself or is sacked. Why? What is the meaning of this? Why must it be going on and on? The problem of sexual harassment is increasingly *coming out of the closet*. Companies are starting to realize that the problem is real, some managers are admitting that it could affect their staff, and more victims are starting to gather the courage to complain. Yet most people do not fully understand the problem, its causes, its consequences, or its extent. Even more difficult is the question: How does one deal with such behaviour? Before considering the causes and consequences of, and possible cures for, this deep-rooted problem, we shall have to define it as some folks may not clearly understand what sexual harassment means, Sexual harassment is bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favours. And it happens everywhere, workplaces, everywhere. It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include *sexual harassment* or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature. Anybody can be harassed sexually. A man can harass a fellow man, A woman can harass a woman, A woman can harass a man but studies have shown that, Women are much more likely to be victims of sexual harassment precisely because they more often than men lack power, are in more vulnerable and insecure positions, lack self confidence, or have been socialized to suffer in silence. 98% of the reported cases of sexual harassment related to men harassing women at work or in work-associated situations. Therefore, although all kinds of sexual harassment and even non-sexual harassment should be stopped, the focus in this discussion will be the most prevalent kind, of men harassing women. Sexual harassment in the workplace is unwelcome or unwanted attention of a sexual nature from someone at work, that causes discomfort, humiliation, offense or distress, and / or interferes with the job. This includes all such actions and practices of a sexual nature by a person or a group of people directed at one or more workers.

Sexual harassment can consist of unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favours in return for employment benefits, pressure for sexual favours to clinch sales deals, the display of sexually offensive posters, cartoons or drawings, or any other form of verbal or physical behaviour that the recipient regards as unwelcome or embarrassing.

 

Any of the examples above may represent harassment. In all cases it is the consequences, and not the intentions, that count. The severity of the harassment is to a large extent determined by the impact it has on the victim. So “It was just a joke” or “I had too much to drink” is no excuse. Harassment usually relates to intimidation, exploitation and power; not to real, mutual personal attraction and respect.

 

Thus a relationship between two consenting adults would usually not be harassment. Yet if the one party has far more power than the other, and abuses this in the work situation to coerce the other, it could still be a case of harassment. If unwelcome attentions are repeated although they have been declined, or if the person is victimized because of having turned down such advances, the situation becomes worse. So my question today is, having realized that Sexual harassment is becoming worse in our society, how do we put it to an end. The Lagos state government has made it a crime. So if you are lucky to be residing in lagos, you can go to the authority and lay your complaints. My advice to anyone passing through any form of sexual harassment is not to keep quiet. Let’s hear you, talk to someone. There are lawyers everywhere. Don’t fall prey. Let your voice be heard and let’s collectively fight this war against sexual harassment in workplaces. Be Inspired! Be Motivated!! Be Enlightened!!!
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MARILYN ANONA’s HEALTH CORNER: Don’t wait till you become so ill and placed on diet to take care of yourself.

Some people just go on drinking and drinking. They even consume alcohol more than they consume food. I have this friend, I nicknamed him Jack Daniels because most evenings when I chat with him, he would happily say, he is relaxing with Jack Daniels. Please don’t laugh at my ignorance but initially I thought Jack Daniels was a human being and his best friend until recently I discovered that Jack Daniels was a very hard drink. Then I tried to talk to him about the risks associated with excessive alcohol consumption. Most people totally ignore their health and go about consuming all sorts. Food, I mean the ones generally accepted by everyone can be toxic when consumed excessively. So why consume something that is obviously risky to the point of “ADDICTION”? There was this cigarette advert I used to see while I was growing up, at the end it says…”SMOKING IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH” and it was later replaced with “SMOKERS ARE LIABLE TO DIE YOUNG”. Yet these warnings mean nothing to most people as they go about consuming all sorts. Now, I know someone is saying in his or her mind, well I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke too but hey wait… Most of us eat too much of pizza, shawarma, hot dogs, carbonated drinks etc and do not exercise. We are not better than those who drink and smoke. Of course I know that some people are so lucky that even if they eat bad things they still stay healthy and live up to 80years and above but are you so sure that you are in this league? Because you are not sure about this, you should take extra care of your health. Watch what you consume and try as much as you can to exercise on daily basis. Neglecting your health doesn’t make you a hero. Don’t wait till you become so ill and placed on diet to take care of yourself. When you eat or consume the wrong things, you lose your vital organs at times you really need them. You damage your liver, kidneys, your blood pressure may be affected, your sugar and cholesterol levels too. Health is wealth! Let’s take care of ourselves so that after all these struggle, we will be healthy enough to enjoy the benefits of our hardwork. Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!! chisom%20gym

Marilyn Anona talks RELATIONSHIP: Why do so many battered people especially women stay in their abusive relationships?

domestic%20violenceBruised skin, blood shot eyes, tears that never get dried! Should these be the result of having a relationship? Ever since I left Martha’s house I have been thinking. I mean, this is not the first time she called me up to complain about her so called boyfriend beating her up or verbally insulting her. The most annoying part of it is that she doesn’t want to let go even when the guy has made it clear to her through deeds and words that she can take a walk. What’s more confusing is, she prays fervently for the guy in question to propose to her. A guy who doesn’t just abuse you physically but who is also very promiscuous. How can a man you are in a relationship with be using his fists on you and you still want him to marry you? Why do some people see fire and intentionally walk into it only to start complaining later? To me, its the height of unnecessary desperation and foolishness. But why do people beat their spouses and why do so many battered people especially women stay in their abusive relationships? Most people seem to think that the major reason why people abuse their partners boil down to the inability to control anger. But personally I disagree because those people who find it easy to hit or verbally insult their partners don’t do same when its their parents, boss at the office or a police officer who stops them on the highway. Domestic Violence which is exactly what I am talking about, is the use of violence to gain and sustain control. Often the person who abuses views the victim as a possession to be controlled. He monitors phone calls and movements, and makes the victim reduce contact with family and friends, and if his possession gets out of line, he smacks it back in place. So domestic violence has little or nothing to do with “Anger management”. Its more about someone wanting at all cost to exercise authority negatively. Yeah! Most men hit women because it works. They get the control that they want and they get their way. But is this the right way to gain respect or control? No sane man beats a woman. To me, men who pound their wives and girlfriends senseless are barbaric, violent and virulent,often drunk or power thirsty. Most of those batterers often feel justified in battering because they were raised in an environment whether a family or neighborhood where violence was accepted as a proper method for solving problems or enforcing the rules. I have given one reason why men abuse women in relationships. You can add yours! But what bothers me most is why most women love to stay in such relationships. For the married ones, I think they just decide to stay because of the kids. What about the single ones who are still dating? What is the reason? Please I need us all to contribute. Let’s share our thoughts… Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!! battered

Marilyn Anona Motivates You: If you are to be given the only things you thanked GOD for yesterday, how much will you have?

1%20posh%20eensiaIf you are to be given the only things you thanked GOD for yesterday, how much will you have? Most times when I pray, I find myself thanking GOD for the things HE has done and the things HE is yet to do. I know HE will do them and that keeps me going. Most times, we prefer to grumble, complain and only compare ourselves to people who we think are doing better or are better than us. When we do this, we depress ourselves, get so moody and feel so inadequate that we forget that there are so many people we are much more better than. I know that we all desire and wish to do very well in life. We have set different goals and get sad when we realize that we are nowhere close to the goals we have set. Its normal to feel that way, yes it is! If you don’t ever feel that way it means you are not alright but we should be able to discard that feeling as soon as it comes and not allow it linger on for so long. I remember Ebele my mate in the university. We graduated same year, while I was posted to Cross-River state to do my compulsory National Youth Service Corp programme, she was posted to Akwa-Ibom state but she comes to Calabar to visit. At the end of NYSC after the passing out parade, most people decided to travel home that day. I stayed back because my place of primary assignment retained me for a while. Ebele left for Anambra state that same day but never got home alive. The bus she boarded was involved in an accident in Obosi, Anambra state. She was almost home. Dreams killed, aspirations and ambitions halted forever. But we are all alive and therefore should be grateful because as long as we live, there is room for progress and success. When you are grateful for the little you have achieved, you are instantly motivated to do more. This is how it works, whenever you feel terrible, sad and depressed by your situation in life reflect on how much worse things could be. Yes, what if things are worse? Would you kill yourself? When you apply this, you will be surprised to see your mood changes immediately and you have the zeal to push harder. If you currently unemployed and feel suicidal as a result, don’t forget that some of your class mates who graduated with first class in school are late today. You are alive and can land a beautiful job tomorrow. You are grumbling about having to eat noodles every day when your mates are having balanced meals. And you forgot that some people eat those rich food yet can’t stay a day without drugs. Staying grateful doesn’t in any way make you less ambitious but it motivates you to live a happier and more relaxing life. Gratefulness is very important in order to live a happier life. Personally, i incorporate more gratitude into my life through affirmations and remembering all the things i have to be thankful for and I think you should adopt them. *** I count my blessings daily. *** I appreciate the simple things in my life. *** I am grateful for everything I experience in my life. I overcome, grow and prosper all the time. The blessings and the difficulties, they make me stronger, better and more alive. *** Because I am grateful for everything, I see beauty in everything because I look beyond the present. *** Most importantly, I take time to appreciate the simple things of life. Things that most people over look. I want us all to exhibit gratitude in all that we do this week and beyond. You can share with us ways and how you show gratitude. I hope that with this post, I have motivated someone today. Have a blissful week and a most beautiful life. Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

Marilyn Anona writes: Its the WOMEN versus MEN today. Does having broad shoulders alone make a man sexy? Does having an hour glass figure make a woman sexy?

yvonne%20sexyuti%20sexyMya%20haruna%20sexymimi%20sexyShe is sexy! He is sexy! What does it mean to be sexy? Before now, I feel offended when someone addresses me as sexy. Yes, please let me land… I used to feel that way because I discovered that most people do not really understand the word “sexy” or they have narrowed it down so much to mean exuding sex appeal. And for that reason, I preferred and still prefer to be called smart, posh, classy instead of sexy. yvonne%20sexy Yesterday evening, I went to see a friend, I was putting on a multi-coloured turtleneck top which looked almost like a ballon and a pair of black jeans. I didn’t make up, no jewelleries or accessories. On getting there I discovered there was a party. Almost all the ladies there were dressed in skimpy party clothes. I felt sort of odd and too casual but you know the usual me, always confident. But I was taken aback when my friend introduced me to his friends and they were all saying, she is sexy, she is sexy. That got me thinking. And I decided to ask, what makes a woman sexy? Today, I am not stopping at the women, I want to know what makes men sexy too. I remembered a certain day while I was watching the television with my friend Chiamaka and David Beckham came on the programme, the first exclamation from her was, GOSH, this man is so sexy! Its the WOMEN versus MEN today. Does having broad shoulders alone make a man sexy? Does having an hour glass figure make a woman sexy? Is it about those long legs? Is it about the confidence the woman or man exudes? Is it carriage? Is it about humour? I want to know your opinion. One thing I know is, having an hour glass figure alone doesn’t make a woman sexy. Mercy Johnson is not the only woman with an hour glass figure yet she is constantly called sexy while the others with similar figure are not noticed. Genevieve doesn’t have an hour glass figure but she is sexy. Yvonne Nelson isn’t the only actress with long legs. Why is Uti Nwachukwu called sexy? Let’s learn from each other today. What makes a man sexy? What makes a woman sexy? Feel free to share your thoughts. Its Saturday… Let’s have fun! Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!

Marilyn Anona writes: She said I hated her for suggesting she starts cooking with a university degree.

tuface%20my%20guyI agree! Yes, I know its not easy to start life on your own without support. For some people, its so easy. I mean, they are sent to school and when they graduate, their parents help them get a good job, a nice house and a beautiful car. But for most people, this is not the case. They are expected to take care of their lives the minute they leave school. Again, there is this category which is made of people who struggled to see themselves through school or learn a skill without their parents even knowing their whereabout. These kids are forced by circumstances to become independent at a very young age. This situation is very delicate because it can make or destroy you. But I have also discovered that most of the kids in this category who became independent too early discover their skills and talent and do better than the so called “Butty” kids. Trying to stand on our feet without support or a laid foundation especially with the high rate of unemployment is very difficult. One of the major reason is, most of us don’t know what we want to do and as a result waste so much time going round and round without achieving anything. Most of us have not discovered our purpose, talents, skills, values and where our passion lie. We waste so much time looking for white collar jobs and most times we end up frustrated when we don’t get such jobs. Yes, we become frustrated, when we count the number of years we have spent achieving nothing. This other group of people know what they are good at, but prefer to dwell in self deceit coupled with a fake attitude towards life. Its painful to know that some people think the way they do. I have this friend, she is such a good cook and has been without a job for over 5 years. I advised her to start cooking professionally and that was how I entered her black book. She said I hated her for suggesting she starts cooking with a university degree. The next set of people are those who enter into a business venture because most people are involved in it. They want to start up something for the wrong reason thereby defeating the aim of their existence on earth. If you dabble into music because Tuface Idibia is singing and doing well when its not your talent, you will be frustrated. If you decide to own a blog because you see it as the order of the day, you will never find fulfillment, if you decide to waste your money in “Tara Make up” school to become a make up artist, I bet you will become tired after a few months. Its very hard to start up all by ourselves especially in a society like ours where people want to take undue advantage of you simply because you are struggling to be somebody. But let’s all help ourselves by deciding what we want from life. Let’s discover our values, our talents and where our passion lies, it will make our struggle and quest for success easier. Let’s keep it real friends. Thank GOD its friday! Be Enlightened! Be Inspired!! Be Motivated!!!